I have decided to add some material to this site that can actually
be directly useful to people traveling through Europe without forcing the
reader to root through a 4,000 word essay in order to glean the information.
Aren’t I generous? You’re welcome.
I have been collecting various stories of trouble
that have been known to befall people traveling Europe. Most,
if not all of the following scenarios, will be similar or exactly
like anecdotes that you may have heard before. I am repeating
some of the more popular stories even though they have been
told to death, as people are still being nailed by the same
old situations and retelling seems to be called for.
Leif
Beware! | Good Hints
For Not Being Robbed in a Crowd | Hints For Not Being
Robbed While You Sleep | Scams and Half-Wit Blunders
That Will Get You Robbed and Possibly Beaten Up | Probably
an Urban Legend, But Still Scary Enough to Address | Recently
Acquired "Friends" Robbing You | Tips That Sound
Like Good Ideas, But Are Really Bad Ideas | Gypsies
| Your Appearance
Beware!
Italian Transportation Nazis
As if us travelers didn’t have enough to be on guard about
with criminals and assholes that are an every day part of foreign travel,
but now we have to be vigilant of the legitimate authorities as well. Specifically
the transportation officials in Italy. In general Italy tends to have a higher
than average amount of semi-deranged and dangerously stupid people being allowed
to function in normal society (Imagine Texas with people so passionate that
they might come to blows over a debate on fever reducers), but at least these
people are generally harmless, unlike the pitiless, unsympathetic, bureaucratic
flat-heads who have the power to hand out “fines” willy nilly
to recent arrivals to their country that do not follow their confounding transportation
rules to the letter. For example; Bus ticket are never sold on buses (you
silly, nitwit tourist!). You must acquire a ticket at tobacco stands or other
arbitrarily assigned places that are not at all obvious to someone who has
not been riding the Italian bus system for their entire lives. Once you have
mastered the ticket acquisition part, you have to remember to stamp your ticket
as soon as you get on the bus or you can be fined like you were riding the
bus without a ticket at all. If the stamping machine does not work or is not
calibrated right and you don’t notice and bring it to the bus driver’s
attention immediately, the authorities consider this to be your fault and
you will be fined anyway. Welcome to Italy! Also, every train ticket must
be stamped at little yellow, often poorly placed stamping boxes before you
board. Unlike the rest of the civilized world, Italy has not mastered the
sophisticated, high-tech art of printing tickets with dates or times on them.
Getting this stamp is your responsibility even if you just bought the ticket
and you only have 30 seconds to run and catch the train. If you do not stamp
the ticket, it is considered to be invalid and you will be fined.
The basic concept to keep in mind in Italy is to double check
every single ticket, receipt and stub for the correct stamp, date, time and
sea-level elevation or you could be randomly targeted for steep fines by soulless,
transportation Nazis. This habit was refreshed in my mind after reading two
accounts of similar nightmares on Travelpunk.com here
and here.
Cash Card/PIN Security
When using a cash machine take EXTRA care to guard your card
and more importantly block all sight-lines when you enter your PIN. Even locals
in hardened cities like Amsterdam fall for the sabotaged cash machine maneuver,
where the machine has been previously rigged with gum or some such so that
it will not return your card after you have been observed entering your PIN
from afar by the saboteur. Then, once you give up on trying to get your card
back, the criminal who now knows your PIN retrieves your card with a tweezers
or some other doohickey and immediately goes to every cash machine in the
city, withdrawing your transaction limit at every location until you are broke.
Depending on your bank/credit card company, you may not be compensated for
all of your lost cash since the crime was a direct result of your negligence
(or at least this is what happened to a Dutch buddy of mine).
“Help” With Finding a Hostel/Hotel and Transportation
to Said Hostel/Hotel
Local guys (almost never women) have been known to accost travelers
at the station with a host of small time scams. Occasionally someone will
ask where you are staying and then happily report that he works for whichever
hostel/hotel you said and he is there to give you a ride. Unless you are staying
in a four star hotel and the guy is carrying a sign with your name on it,
he is a thief. If you do not have accommodations arranged, they might offer
to help you find a hostel/hotel and/or a taxi ride to the place. This will
inevitably result in an outrageous taxi fare or room rate, which the local
then gets a kick-back from. Watch out for Accommodations Pimps wherever you
are. Read more about this at Probably an Urban Legend, But
Still Scary Enough to Address.
Black Market Money Changers and General Money Advice
This scam has almost dropped out of sight in Europe, but occasionally
random grifters on the street will offer to do a money exchange for you. This
is never good. Even if the rate they quote is fantastic, they will rip you
off, or rob you or give you play money or something. Sadly, even legit exchange
offices will also try to screw you. Especially the ones that are in the immediate
vicinity of any tourist site or busy public square or plaza where tourists
tend to gather. Despite being perfectly legal, they will often surprise you
with the bait and switch exchange rate (i.e. After you have signed and handed
over your Traveler’s Cheques: “Oh you thought that the rates up
on the big, well lit, official looking board on the wall were our rates? No,
no!! Our rates are here on the piece of paper, written in pencil, taped to
the desk.”) or whack you with a huge, per Cheque fee that is clearly
and legally posted for your information in the employee bathroom. A good tip-off
that an exchange office should be avoided is if they have a sign that is larger
that 3’ X 3’, printed in more than three colors or if it has even
one exclamation point.
The absolute best money exchange option is without a doubt the
good ol’ cash machine for a dizzying variety of reasons.
1) They are everywhere.
2) Depending on your bank back home, the fee will undoubtedly be smaller than
any Traveler’s Cheque exchange office commissions or possibly even free.
3) The actual exchange rate will always be optimum.
4) In my opinion, the cash card method is more secure than carrying around
a book of Traveler’s Cheques.
Some people will say that bringing a small stash of Traveler’s
Cheques for emergencies (i.e. loss of your cash card) is a good idea, but
I haven’t used a single Traveler’s Cheque since 1994 and I have
yet to have a problem. Prudent cash card and PIN security is the only secret
and always have a credit card or two (stored in a very secure place that is
not on your person), just in case you get mugged.
Make sure you have a general understanding of the currency conversion
before you get in front of a cash machine so you have a good idea of how much
to withdraw and always remember that you ARE NOT dealing in your home currency!
People have been know to have Gomer Moments at the cash machine in places
like Norway and type in “200” in the amount field thinking they
will get US$200 worth of kroner, but of course they just get 200 kroner (US$28.50)
which will only last you about 15 minutes in high-priced Norway.
Tourist Police, Secret Police, Extra-Super-Extreme-Undercover Police, Etc
This is more of a problem in Eastern Europe. Depending on the
scam, they are after your passport, money or both. Unless you are caught stealing
a car, be wary of any “police” that accost you randomly and want
to see your passport/money, particularly if they are not in uniform. If there’s
any doubt, politely ask to be escorted to a police station where you will
be happy to show them whatever they want to see. If they agree to this, DO
NOT get into an unmarked car with them or even a taxi.
Here’s a popular phony cop scam: A guy walks up and offers
to do a money exchange with you. You say ‘no’ and all of a sudden
an “undercover cop” shows up, “arrests” the guy trying
to arrange the money exchange and then asks to check your passport or money
in case it’s counterfeit. Never show your passport or money to anyone
out in the street for any reason. Just walk away or if they are persistent
and flash a badge, use the aforementioned request to visit a police station.
Good Hints For Not Being Robbed in a Crowd
The Safety Pin Gambit
I personally don’t do this because there are only so many
hours in the day to attend to your personally security paranoia, but I have
heard many people rave about how you MUST safety pin your backpack and day-bag
zippers closed while you are out and about. I have heard countless stories
on how people have caught various thieves, gypsies and gutter punks, struggling
to open their day bags unbeknownst to them, but being foiled by the safety
pin method. My feelings on this are basically that any moron who can’t
cope with a safety pin is not going to have very much success in stealing
your stuff and will likely be caught in the act by you anyway. Yes, the safety
pins can delay and hinder the thief slightly, but so can wearing your backpack
or whatever hanging off your front, rather than your back. I find this to
be much more effective as it pretty much rules out the potential urge for
someone to even try to rob you in the first place and it detours more ambitious
thieves from bypassing your locks and safety pins by creating their own openings
with a sharp knife. Also, I am a firm believer that truly valuable items belong
in VERY deep, FRONT pockets of your pants and nowhere else. Over the course
of my lifetime, very little action has gone on in the immediate vicinity of
my groin without me being fully aware of it. And I don’t care how nice
they make your butt look, pants with shallow pockets, or worse, no pockets,
are useless and have no place in your backpacker wardrobe. My day bag is where
I keep my water bottle, a book, a towel for the beach and maybe some food,
so if I somehow drop my guard and get robbed, the joke is on the thief. Your
day-bag is NOT the place to keep stacks of cash, your passport or your airline
tickets. If you do not have deep front pockets, or are one of those women
who are tragic fashion victims and refuse to go out in public with unsightly
bulges in their pockets, then you need a money belt or necklace pouch that
is worn UNDER the clothes (this seems as if it should be common sense, but
alas, it takes all kinds…) and if possible, chained to your underwear.
And when you need to do some lengthy fishing around in your stash of valuable
items, get out of the middle of the street and go to a quiet corner to get
this done. The same goes for lengthy, attention-getting scrutinizing of your
2’ X 3’ city map, for that matter.
Hints For Not Being Robbed While You Sleep
Hostels
I have only heard of one single instance of a backpacker straight
out robbing another backpacker in my numerous tours of Europe, but you should
still be cautious where you put things when you go to sleep because depending
on the security of your hostel, non-resident criminals could possibly enter
at night and help themselves to anything that looks valuable. There are several
approaches. You can lock everything up in your bag, just like when you are
on the move. You can bury valuables at the bottom of your sleeping bag, assuming
that you keep it zipped all the way up all night. Best of all, if the hostel
provides a locker, you should lock everything up in there.
Things NOT to do include:
-Stagger in drunk, whip off your pants and money belt and drape them over
the chair next to the door and pass out.
-Leave anything that looks even marginally valuable in plain view.
-Stay the night in a hostel that is giving you undeniable bad vibes. (Even
if you have pre-paid and they refuse to give you your money back. You should
have demanded to see a room and get a general tour before forking over your
money in the first place, Gomer!)
Trains
The above tips go triple on night trains and quintuple on Italian
night trains. Get a couchette if you can afford it. This not only gives you
more space and the possibility of some rest, but you can lock the door and
the only person that has the key is the ticket agent. Even in this arrangement,
lock up everything and either chain/leash your bag to something unmovable
or make your bag an unattractive option by putting it on the shelf above the
top bunk (where it cannot be removed safely without the careful coordination
of at least two people and even then there is always a commotion and minor
injuries), or embracing it while you sleep (nix this if you are a heavy sleeper)
or keeping a loaded, large caliber gun out in the open where everyone can
see it. Just kidding on that last one. If your budget doesn’t allow
for a couchette and you end up in a sitting compartment all night, the aforementioned
locking and chaining/leashing your bag(s) to something solid is crucial. Do
not sleep in one of these compartments alone and depending on the situation,
you might just have to stay awake all night. Happy training! There are sporadic
stories of people being drugged or gassed on trains and then robbed. A good
rule of thumb is to never accept food or drink from new friends on the train.
As far as the gassing goes, locking and chaining/leashing everything might
save you, but nothing beats a locked door. If your door does not have a lock
on it, use your own lock/chain/leash or even a strong belt to secure it.
Finally, after the hundreds of anecdotes I’ve heard, your
best bet is to just plain never take a night train in Italy, ever, no matter
what.
Scams and Half-Wit Blunders That Will Get You Robbed
and Possibly Beaten Up
The Instant Gob of Freeloading Friends
The following is an account that I have lifted from good ol’
Lonely Planet. This particular scam appears to be most popular in Athens (although
it should be mentioned that Greece otherwise, surprisingly, has the lowest
crime rate in Europe!), but a variation of this idea could get you in just
about any big city in the world. A solo male traveler is approached by a Greek
who is also alone and claims to be from outside of Athens. They talk for a
minute before the Greek suggests that they go to a really cool bar that he
has been turned on to. They go, get a few drinks, some women show up, more
drinks are served, everyone is fun and friendly and a ball is had by everyone
until the gigantic bill is presented to the traveler and suddenly all his
new friends disappear and the bartender and his beefy bouncer are not sympathetic.
Basically, no matter how charismatic you think you are, if you
find yourself with a dozen, new, very good friends inside 20 minutes, you
should be nervous. Especially if you are not paying for each drink as you
go. Fake a very severe case of whatever extremely contagious, fatal disease
is popular that month, drop a fair amount of cash on the bar that should cover
your drinks and get the hell out without your change.
Paris/Madrid Sex Scam
I have heard the following ploy being pulled in Paris and I
very nearly fell victim to it myself during one staggeringly drunk night in
Madrid, before I came to my senses and I escaped before the scam unfolded
to the point-of-no-return. A lonely, horny male traveler either enters what
appears to be a strip club or (in my case) is literally pulled into the place
by a sidewalk hawker while being too drunk to resist. The strip club doesn’t
have a stage or a any kind of running show. Just some scantly clad girls milling
about. The traveler is immediately pounced on by two or more women who will
flirt and may even take off a few garments and grind on each other for his
amusement. The traveler either pays a fair cover-charge (maybe 8 euros) that
includes a drink or is forcibly handed a “free entry” pass as
he is being physically escorted into the door by the aforementioned hawker.
In the case of the former, after he finishes the first drink, he is present
with a second without having to ask. One or more of the girls will aggressively
convince him to buy them a drink. Eventually the bill will be presented and
the traveler will discover to his horror that his second drink was 300 euros
and the drink(s) for the girl(s) were 250 euros each. The girls disappear
and a few mountainous bouncers make a timely appearance and demand to be paid.
If the traveler is even half bright, he will not have 800+ euros on his person,
so the men will just be content to help themselves to every penny the traveler
has and throw him out onto the sidewalk. Attempts to acquire help from law
enforcement officials will fail as this happens every day and the scammers
have their asses covered (like having a drink menu with all of the ridiculous
prices clearly posted somewhere where no one could possibly see it) or something
else that makes justice impossible. (Unless you consider a Molotov Cocktail
through the front window as acceptable recourse, but you didn’t hear
that from me.)
The moral of this particular story is that, hey buddy, you’re
in EUROPE! If you need to see some titty that bad, just walk your ass to the
nearest beach, don some opaque sunglasses, pretend to read a book (make sure
it’s right side up), put a towel over your crotch if necessary and enjoy
the show for free. No, none of the girls will flirt with you or gyrate on
you (unless you are in Ibiza or some other perennial, Girls Gone Wild-like
locale), but hey, what do you expect for free? Between the beaches, the free,
late night porn on regular TV and the Germans there is so much complimentary
nudity in Europe that you shouldn’t need to step foot in a strip club
the entire time for any reason.
Sleeping on the Beach
Some people consider at least a few nights of gratis slumber
on the beach not only good for the budget, but even a requisite of a “hardcore”
backpacking tour through Europe. This might be fine and worry-free on a deserted
island or in a forgotten coastal town of 36 people, but when you do this in
Barcelona, don’t come crying to me when you get robbed either while
you sleep, or worse, at knife-point while you are wide awake. To me this is
more explicitly asking for trouble than hitchhiking with two nude swimsuit
models in Algeria and I have a good mind to take it upon myself to mug the
next person that says they are planning to do this to just save everyone some
time.
Recently Acquired "Friends" Robbing You
Another bold scam that I’ve just learned about is the
couple of guys that make your acquaintance on the train ride into a large
city (the version I heard happened involved Paris) and rob you while you while
everyone is jovially disembarking. This might be an urban legend as I find
it hard to believe that people would invest as much time and money as is needed
to pull this off, but you be the judge.
A solo traveler is joined in a train compartment by two supposed
fellow travelers. They get to talking and spend a fair amount of time getting
to know each other and the traveler gets comfortable during the trip. Once
the train arrives at its destination the new friends offer to help the traveler
heave their things off the train and when the new friends get their hands
on the traveler’s bags they sprint off into the crowd.
To me this seems awfully risky for the thieves, allowing the
traveler get a good look at them for an extended period of time and having
to invest in train tickets to get on the train in the first place all in the
hopes that they find an appropriate victim and the victim allows them to help
them with bags that have enough valuable items in them to make the whole thing
worth the effort, but there you have it.
The One-on-One Grifting/Romantic Disaster
A whole different, frighteningly sinister angle on the new friend
robbing theme is the fellow backpacker (usually a male) who befriends you
at a hostel, maybe even initiates a romantic relationship with a female traveler
and spends anywhere from days to even weeks gaining her trust. Perhaps he
will throw in a well-timed sympathy subplot about having a terminal illness.
Suddenly the new friend stages a huge personal catastrophe in the form of
a devastating robbery of the bulk of his belongings, including all cash, ID
and access to cash (witnessed by no one, obviously) a day or two before the
female is to return to her far-off home. He then borrows a huge sum of money
from the compassionate female, promising to wire it back to her once things
are sorted out. Then the female flies half way around the planet and never
hears from the guy again.
Basically, my personal feelings on money lending in general
are that you never, ever lend more than lunch money to a friend, no matter
what. Even if it’s your best friend of 30 years and he happens to be
Jesus. I realize that this may seem unkind, uncharitable, ungraceful and unpleasant,
but in my third person experience on the matter, there hasn’t been a
single, huge, personal loan incident between friends that has gone smoothly
in the history of human existence. It will strain and damage the relationship
at the very least and possibly end it in a dramatically ugly fashion. If you
REALLY want to help this friend in need and have the means to do so, GIVE
the money to them. Short of that, firmly and politely decline. This goes double
on the road. Unfortunately, meeting new people on the road is a very intense,
powerful and sometimes exciting experience, particularly if romance blossoms.
These feelings can often have the effect of skewing your common sense and
causing you to do things that you would normally never do if you were home,
in familiar surroundings, in command of all of your faculties and not half
drunk on cheap wine. It’s sometimes impossible to recognize your predicament
in the moment, so you should simply never act in a hasty or passionate way
when it comes to charity, or commitment for that matter, to near-strangers
on the road. When you find yourself in situations like this, get the input
of your five closest, most stable and dependably wise friends that are not
involved in the situation in any way and act accordingly.
Probably an Urban Legend, But Still Scary Enough to Address
This one seems to have too many holes in it to be true, but
I’m mentioning it because I want to drive home the point that you never
pay for a room at a private hostel (and some licensed hostels for that matter)
until you've had a chance to scope out the situation, not to mention that
I couldn’t imagine anything worse happening to a backpacker that didn’t
involve serious injury.
As most seasoned travelers know, at the train or bus stations
in any decent sized city there are always Accommodations Pimps waiting around
and accosting all recent arrivals, trying to get them to stay in their rooms.
This is most prevalent in Spain, France and Italy. Usually these people just
have a regular apartment and they have turned a few of the extra bedrooms
into semi-private rooms to rent to whichever Gomers they can lure back to
their places. There are many reasons to not go with these people. First they
are not licensed and even if they are honest to the point of sainthood, you
could still end up sleeping in a dirty, unsafe, over-priced dump that is so
far off the beaten path that any savings that might be had by staying there
will be lost in transportation costs for buses and cabs into the parts of
the city that you actually want to tour. (Then again, almost all Hosteling
International affiliated hostels are in the same boat as the unregistered
“hostals” as far as distance from the city center, cleanliness
and in some cases security, yet they somehow get licensed to let people stay
in those rat-traps, but I digress…) Second, worst case scenario, they
could be planning all kinds of bad things for you including robbery, sexual
attack or just filming you while you’re in the shower and putting it
on their voyeur web site. Then there are about a million details in between
that could go wrong. Best to just not go with these people unless you are
VERY confident about the situation (i.e. it is a tiny old man, in a small
town where everyone knows each other and there are three of you and at least
one of you is big enough to drop kick the old man, or one of his sons that
might appear later, into the river/ocean/gorge.)
So, the story I heard goes something like this… A solo
traveler is accosted by an Accommodations Pimp at the station and since he
doesn’t have a room reserved he agrees to go with the Pimp who has a
dirt cheap room that is just around the corner. When the traveler sees the
room they are apprehensive, but since they have already paid (NEVER pay without
seeing the room!) and are not feeling confident enough to confront the Pimp
about the quality of the room, they just suck it up and decide to make the
best of it. The person gets settled and decides to take a shower. They get
ready and since they are feeling a little nervous about the room, they decide
to hide their money belt in the rafters, then go down the hall to the shared
bathroom to take a shower. When they come back, their room is completely cleaned
out, including the hidden money-belt, and they are literally left standing
their with nothing but their towel and shower gel.
Well, unless I am missing something here, short of the Pimp
having the local authorities in on the plot with him, a blatant robbing like
this would doubtlessly result in the Pimp being arrested and convicted. Hence,
I don’t believe this particular one happened, or at least it didn’t
happen exactly like this. I am adding it here though to drive home the concept
that you should never stay anywhere that you don’t feel safe, whether
it be a dump or lacking in security or that your roommate is an obvious heroin
addict that might decide to dissect you for science after you go to sleep.
Even if you dropped the ball and paid for the room before you discovered the
mistake, get out! Losing 12 euros is a hell of a lot better than losing sleep,
belongings or extremities.
Tips That Sound Like Good Ideas, But Are Really Bad Ideas
Italy and Greece started to get a big name for themselves a few decades ago
with all the guys zooming by on scooters and snatching purses or exposed neck
pouches off travelers, sometimes ripping the strap right off them if the person
thought they were being safe by looping the strap across their bodies. After
a while short-sighted people started telling other people that a really smart
thing to do would be to thread a length of piano wire through the strap of
their purse/pouch and then wouldn’t the scooter guy be surprised when
he whizzes by, tries to grab the strap and it doesn’t snap and they
end up being yanked backwards off their scooter and suffer a serious head
injury? Well, while the above scenario might happen, one has to consider what
might happen to the person wearing the piano wire reinforced strap across
their bodies and suddenly having it yanked on by an entity passing by at about
30 MPH. Well, you would probably suffer a broken neck or back is the thing
and you have to ask yourself if you would rather lose your purse or be stuck
in a foreign country, possibly with less-than-stellar medical services, with
a debilitating injury.
**On that note, I just witnessed a scooter drive-by robbery
last weekend here in Cadiz, Spain, in the new part of town where the long,
wide, straight streets allow for an easy getaway. After this event and having
been mildly but alarmingly attacked by two gutless pieces of shit on a passing
scooter back in February, my new feelings on the subject are that anyone on
a scooter cannot be trusted and should probably be killed if you have the
opportunity. This is especially true for scooters that are driving down sidewalks
for any reason or scooters that have two males on them.
Gypsies
Gypsy stories abound in places like Italy and Eastern Europe.
Basically, anyone that looks like that they just came out of wardrobe for
“Pirates of the Caribbean” should be given a very wide wake and
monitored at all times. Here are a few of the more popular tactics…
Kids With Cardboard
This actually happened to me. Well, it was attempted on me at
any rate, but I was too aware for their dumb asses. Basically, anywhere from
four to 15 kids will swarm you suddenly and try to distract you by shrieking
and waving old newspapers and cardboard in your face. While this is happening
a few pairs of busy hands empty all of your pockets and hand the contents
back through the crowd to other kids on the periphery, so the kids fishing
through your pockets are clean if you belatedly realize what is happening
and decide to grab a kid or two within reach. The kids disperse in a cloud
of flapping newspaper and cardboard and your pockets are a couple pounds lighter.
My defense, when I saw the kids coming at me with the cardboard, was to put
both hands over my pockets and say “Forget it, shitheads” in such
a dark and menacing way as to eclipse the language barrier (I was in Rome
at the time). They got the message and skeedaddled.
Café Ambush
This is just a variance of the above. A young, mangy gypsy approaches
you while you are having coffee and a pastry at an outdoor café and
tries to sell you a days old, ratty newspaper. Three to five cohorts appear
out of nowhere and cause general chaos in your immediate vicinity while they
poke, prod, beg or try to sell candy and trinkets to you while simultaneously
their little fingers are reliving you of any easily reachable belongings.
Reportedly, victims in the heat of the situation are perfectly aware that
they are probably being pinched, but the aforementioned commotion raised by
the kids makes it nearly impossible to get a hand on all of your possessions,
particularly if you were in a relax and tranquil mood and laid several items
out on the table (cell phone, petty cash, wallet/money pouch) while you lazily
dined.
The frustrating part of this particular situation is that café
staff often do no not even attempt to shoo away the kids or come to your aid,
despite knowing full well what the hell is going on. My guess is that the
mangy gypsy kids have mangy, very large, intimidating siblings or other adult
conspirators that they can fetch and sic on any wait staff that give them
a hard time.
Woman With a Live Baby Decoy
Another stunning, but popular method is when women use their
infants as decoys to pick your pocket or fish through your purse. Basically,
the woman pounces on you, literally dropping their infant into your arms,
so you are forced to either take hold of the baby or let it drop to the ground
and while you are juggling this predicament you are robbed. Then the woman
takes back the child and you are so discombobulated for a few beats that you
don’t realize you’ve been had until the gypsy is long gone. Well,
I’m not going to tell you to let an infant hit the floor (But if you’re
a juggler, you can try a foot catch! Just kidding!), so just make a habit
of staying away from disheveled women with infants and, I don’t know,
keep your hands in your pockets or some other thing that makes it look as
if your hands are too occupied to take on the additional load of their infant.
Your Appearance
As with any situation, your appearance says a lot about you.
On the road, your appearance can make the difference between bag snatchers
and muggers dismissing you in an instant or tailing you with anticipatory
drool streaming down their faces until an opportunity presents itself.
Obviously, the less flashy and attention-getting the better.
This does not mean dress like a slob! Not only will you probably be less than
enthusiastic about dressing like a gutter punk on purpose, but this appearance
can cause all sorts of different unpleasant hassles like being refused service
at nicer restaurants or entrance to select religious sights and night clubs.
Besides, Europe is like a big, often mirth-inducing, fashion victim exhibit.
Dressing stylishly or even going the distance to Euro-trashy is not going
to draw any extra attention to you unless you are in second-hand-retired-clown-outfit
phase or revealing body parts that are not regularly seen in non-beach settings
(Obviously, the scale of “attire decency” varies wildly throughout
Europe. Do as the locals do. If no one else is wearing see-through micro-minis
and a g-string at the bar, you probably shouldn’t either).
So, clothes aside, keep it simple. Anything but the most basic,
non-descript jewelry, should be left at home. Unless you have no other choice,
don’t wear your watch on your wrist or in plain view, even a cheap one.
Same goes for your cell phone, unless you have it so securely attached to
your body that a snatcher would need the Jaws of Life to get it off you. And
when you’re at a restaurant, indoors or out, don’t lay all your
accessories on the table. Keep them in your day bag and loop the strap around
a table leg or even better, loop it around your own leg and keep it in your
lap. When on the go, all one strap bags should be worn across the body, with
the bag facing away from the street. Again, sorry ladies, it ain’t sexy,
but backpacks should be worn in the front, not in the back and if you wanna
lock or safety-pin every zipper closed, more power to you. Just like your
big packs or suitcases, if your bag is not directly in your field of vision,
it should be in physical contact with you in some way. Never leave it unattended,
even for five seconds, even between your legs while you chat with an information
desk clerk. Anything but the cheapest looking or disposable cameras should
be stowed away when not in use. These people who walk around all day with
two $800 cameras dangling from their necks might as well also carry a sign
that says “Please rob me! I am an idiot and I don’t deserve nice
things!” printed in three languages and bordered with neon lights. Another
personal pet peeve of mine are the tourists that explore new cities with their
walkmen/CD players/MP3 players blasting. This seems to be most popular with
sullen, teenaged offspring, lagging 12 feet behind their parents while being
dragged around on a family trip. Little, thankless bastards. Anyway, this
will be yet another glowing enticement and easy grab-and-run option for thieves,
but more importantly, hey idiot! you’re in a foreign country! Closing
off one of your more important senses robs you of unique experiences, potential
lasting memories and warnings of fast approaching motor vehicles! Tunes can
be a lifesaver for long train rides (or sometimes drowning out world class
snore-masters in a large hostel dorm room), but otherwise leave them at the
hostel and expose yourself entirely to your surroundings, even if it’s
the 45 minute bus ride from the campsite to the city center. Little minutiae
like listing to conversations in a foreign language or hearing place names
pronounced correctly by the arrival announcements or the distinctive wails
of the local emergency vehicles can be just as much a part of your tour experience
as seeing the main cathedral or eating the local culinary specialties. (Whoops,
there I go getting preachy again.)